December 28th 1993 I made a profession of faith. I had been involved in sin that was destroying my family, friends and me. I was pretending to be a Christian while at the same time continuing to live in my sin, making my life miserable. I wanted to change; I wanted to stop doing the things I was doing. I prayed one day “God, make it stop!” and that very day, my sin came into the light where it had to be dealt with. A change had to be made in my life. God demanded it as well as my family and friends.

I felt that I must not be saved, or I could not have been involved in the particular sin I was committing. So I made a profession of faith for the benefit of my family, friends, and myself as well, thinking all would be happy and grand. The night of December 28th 1993 at 11:30pm God freed me from the sin in which I had allowed to take control of my life. Only it was not my prayers, but the prayers of my family and friends that delivered me. My prayers were that God would change me, not save me. The example I would like to use here is out of Luke 5: 17-20, about the friends of a man with palsy lowered him through a rooftop to Jesus, and because of “their”faith, Jesus healed the man. Just as these men lowered their sick friend to Jesus for healing, my friends and family lifted me up to Jesus for healing.

Something did start happening to me though. I started feeling that I had to prove my Christianity. I still felt dirty inside and that I had to do work for God to please Him and be right with Him, as well as be right for everyone else. I got involved in everything I could by putting my name on every list that could be seen by others so they would know that I was a changed man. I felt that if I was doing things such as Evangelism Explosion, going on visitation, being a decision counselor or anything church related, that would let me an everyone know I was O.K.

In June 1995 during a crusade at church God began convicting me about my salvation. Something inside of me was aching terribly. A churning in my stomach started as I was talking to a man about receiving Christ as savior; I needed what I was telling him about. Funny thing was I would not admit it. I spoke to a pastor that night about the feelings I was having. Questioning my motives for doing the things I was doing. “Am I doing these things for Christ, or me?” He told me the truth. “Wayne, I can’t tell you if your saved or not. That is an issue between you and God.” In my heart, I knew I needed to talk to him more, but my pride would not allow me to admit that I did not have the confidence that if I were to die that night, that I would go to heaven. So I smiled and put my faith in the words I said in December of 1993. I decided to tough it out and keep trying to prove to myself and everyone around me that I had eternal life.

In February of 1996, my grandfather passed away. I was in the room with him when he died. It was so final. He was breathing and just stopped. That was it. “Where did he go? What happened to him? What will happen when I die? I hope I go to heaven. What if I don’t?” these questions started haunting me. I was getting scared of dying. “But a Christian isn’t supposed to fear death and I am a Christian, aren’t I?”

Shortly after my grandfather’s death, a lump came up on my neck and this really scared me. I just knew it was cancer and I was going to die. When I went to the doctor it was nothing but an ingrown hair. I felt pretty silly but knew that God was starting to get my attention. I began to pray that God would show me what was going on in my life.

I started hearing about a sermon by a pastor named Bailey Smith called “Wheat and Tares.” In fact, folks were suddenly coming out of the woodwork talking about how good a sermon it was and I ought to listen to it if I get a chance. After a Wednesday night service, I went to visit with the man who was in charge of the tape ministry at our church, and a lady came in and asked him for a copy of “Wheat and Tares”. Now I had no excuse. “Get me one as well!” I said. The next day at lunch I decided it was time to hear this thing. I went to my car, put it in my player and asked God to speak to me. “Tell me what I need to hear Lord; I’m tired of playing games.”

At first, nothing really jumped out at me, just the same old preacher stuff. But when he was wrapping things up he said something that grabbed me and shook me. “If you feel 99% saved then you are 100% lost”. The very words I needed to hear. It was then I realized that one percent was my doubts! It was my trying to work and prove myself saved! It was my fear of death! It was me trying to work my way into heaven.

I was convicted! My heart had not been right! For two long years I had been free from a terrible sin. I had been active in church and leading people to Christ My life was getting back together. I had a great family and friends, and my job was going great. But the thing I did not have was the peace of having eternal life.

Jesus was not my Lord and boss. That day, March 14th 1996, I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. I now have the confidence and peace that when I die I will spend my eternity in heaven. Jesus forgave my sins and is living in my heart today. How about you?